Goodreads
Top 10 Urban Legends
Here are some Urban Legends I like in no particular order.
Three Men and a Baby Ghost
This is a bad movie from the ‘80s. But in one scene, you can
see a ghostly figure in the background that is not meant to be in the movie.
Booga booga. It is in fact the dead ghost of a boy who killed himself in the
same house that the scene was filmed. This legend ran wild for a bit after the
movie and I know people who rented it just to show other people the ghost
scene.
Creepy? Well no. It was just a cardboard person-shaped
standee that no one had remembered to move. But at least this crap movie got a
few more rentals out of the legend.
Killswitch Invisible Demon
Killswitch is a
video game. At the beginning, you had to choose between playing as a female or as
an invisible demon. As playing with an invisible character is rather troubling,
people choose the female. In addition, it was rumored that if you defeated the
game with the demon, all your data of the game would be immediately erased. So
there was no evidence of anyone having ever beaten it as the demon. One day, some
guy got the game and said he was going to record his entire playthrough as the
demon. The posted video featured only the gamer looking as his screen and
weeping. The explanation for this is unclear.
Bloody Mary
A classic that everyone knows but sometimes, in the right
environment, it can still make mirrors scary. Go ahead and say Bloody Mary
three times in front of a mirror. I dare you.
“Aren’t You Glad You
Didn’t Turn on the Light?”
A college student comes back to her dorm room and does not
want to disturb her roommate. Variations of the story is that her roommate is
either sleeping in order to rest for a big exam or possibly banging her
boyfriend with the lights off. So, to be nice, the arriving roommate does not
turn on the light and ignores whatever sounds come from the other side of the
room. Of course, what is happening is her roommate is being murdered in the
dark and when she wakes the phrase, Aren’t you glad you didn’t turn on the
light, is painted on the wall in blood. Kind of creepy to think that someone is
only a few feet away and killing someone. And also nice to know that some
killers are thoughtful enough to leave without disturbing their victim’s
roommate.
Polybius
Another alleged video game. You remember arcades? Great. Me,
too. Well, this game supposedly arrived in random arcades with no information
as to how the game appeared. It had only the name of the game and a single
joystick. The game was fun and people played it; however, the rumor is it drove
people mad. Some had seizures and a few committed suicide. It was also told
that men in black clothes came and worked on the game from time to time.
Sketchy as hell. I’m sticking with Rolling
Thunder.
Wizard of Oz and the hanging Munchkin
There is a scene where, if you look closely as Dorothy heads
down the yellow brick road, you can see a dead munchkin hanging from a tree. He
was sick of being a damn munchkin and hung himself. Nobody noticed until after.
So his dead munchiness is in the movie now.
Or actually no. Apparently it was some kind of rare bird
from a zoo or something. That is actually pretty good too.
New Urban legend: In the Wizard of Oz, as Dorothy is going
down the yellow brick road you can see a mysterious demon bird from Hell’s zoo.
It is on a tree and waiting to eat her soul.
The Midnight Rider
This is one of the most likely to be true. Legend says that
if you purchase two copies of Pete Clark’s Midnight
Riders in paperback and hold them against it other, cover to cover, while
you chant ”Ich liebe dieses buch” three times, then the ghost of Benedict
Arnold will come out of the joining of the spines and tell you the true story
of his betrayal. If you’re nice, he may also mow your lawn. Booga booga.
Daddy Long Legs
When I was little, we had many daddy long legs spiders in
our yard. And frequently I was told that they are the most deadly and poisonous
spiders in the world. While I was running away, the person would then shout at
me, “but it can’t hurt you.” This was confusing. The rumor here was that its
mouth was so small it could not bite a human and so its mighty poison was
worthless. Ha ha almost scary spider, squish you. This is not true. The
spider’s mouth is actually plenty big enough to poison the hell out of you!
That or it isn’t poisonous.
Chaos in Cars
There are a few of these and I sort of like them all. The
people on a date hear scratching so, in terror, they drive off and a hook is
stuck to the door. Ouch for the creepy guy. Or somebody is flashing their
lights behind a kid driving at night; he or she is terrified and drives home
only to discover that a killer was in the back seat and whenever the pursuer
flashed their lights, the killer would lay back down. A killer scared of high
beams apparently. Or the one where the kind person gets out of the grocery
store to find a tired old woman wrapped in blankets in her back seat. “Oh but
I’m cold and tired,” she would say. Then the cops come and discover it is some
dude with an axe dressed as an old lady. Ah cars, they’ll get ya.
Top ten lists
People who read top ten lists and mentally mock the items
listed or think, this one is stupid; what
about this other one that I like? They are destined for a well heated
corner of Hell. This legend has been passed on for centuries but the tale has
grown with the internet’s obsession with lists. So mock lists at your own risk
as the list reaper will, uh, reap you? I guess. Yeah that works. Booga booga
again.
Top Ten:
For this list I have put together ten of my favorite
supernatural creatures in no particular order. Some liberties are taken with
some of the lore but hey, it’s just a fun list. I may change my mind about what
should be on it by tomorrow or the next day, but they are all awesome and that
is what counts.
Wendigo:
A violent incarnation of insanity and rage. The wendigo is often portrayed as a
simple cannibal, but when you really turn these guys loose and let them blossom
into the terrain obliterating fuzzy mass of unstoppable rage that they can be,
then they are tough not to love.
Zombies:
Ah the zombie; so simple, so stupid, and yet oddly creepy. The mindless
solitary desire to feed at all costs, even at the cost of its own destruction,
combined with a grotesque yet formally dressed appearance makes the zombie a
frightening entity. Although only in groups; one zombie is nothing. But don’t
get cocky. Chances are there’s more than one; you just don’t know where it is.
Phoenix:
I am a fan of birds. Birds that burst into a searing torrent of flame and are
then reborn? Well, that makes for an awesome bird.
Werebear:
I love me a quality lycan. But those damn werewolves are getting overdone. So
why not go with the Werebear. Bears are cooler than wolves anyway. How many
times have you seen a wolf beat up a bear? I’ll tell you how many times- no
times. Because it never happens. Bears will kill the hell out of you; Were
Bears are capable of some major carnage.
Manticore:
I love hybrid creatures. Monsters that are a mix of other things and smashed
together. Well hello Mr. Manticore. Lion, cool wings, poison darts. What -
poison darts come out of you? Ok that gets you on the list.
Chimera:
Hey look another hybrid creature. But the chimera is the best hybrid of them
all. A simply amazing and unpredictable mixture of a lion, a dragon, and a
goat. That’s right. They got a goat mixed in there. Dragons are amazing, but
when you mix it with the excitement of a goat monster, it makes a big pile of
awesome.
Old
School Vampires: Now I am pretty wary about putting
vampires on this list as vampires have become a big sparkly bucket of teen
angsty love and overall suckiness. But I say no. Those are not vampires; those
are just well dressed men with sharp teeth. The real vampires burst in the sun,
kill you for your blood, sort of smell like the grave, and enjoy a good fight.
Those vampires are still awesome. It is just so hard to find a good vampire
nowadays. Poor vampires. They have been ruined by junior high girls.
Succubus:
Succubae are basically really hot girls that will kill you by having sex with
you. I think that pretty much makes the case.
Doppelganger:
The awesome name, best enjoyed while being said in a borderline offensive
German accent, does half the work. Also it can become anything. Even you. In
fact, you just might be a double walker right now and don’t know. Ich Liebe
Doppelgangers. I also Liebe
flammenwerfers but that is another list.
Kappa:
Small creepy little water sprits that just want to invite you in for a swim.
Sure, it’s to drown you, but that’s no reason to be rude. They also have little
bowls on their head. So if you get attacked by one, shove its ass over and dump
the water out of its head. That will mess it up. Also Japanese mythology is
packed with cool creepy things. I had to have at least one on the list.
Dragon:
The dragon? Yes. Maybe it’s predictable, maybe they are overused according to
some. But the dragon is the ultra-expression of sheer supernatural creature
power. Flight, size, claws, armored skin and a variety of awesome breath
weapons, often fire. What else does a dragon need? Perhaps a large mountain to
make its home and a pile of riches from its mangled foes? Oh wait - they have
that too. Dragons are the best and if you don’t think so then we probably can’t
be friends.
Honorable mention: Minotaur, Centaur, Sphinx. And
about fifty others. J
Character
interview: The Wendigo
Tell
us your latest news.
Wendigo rise from slumber to destroy.
Is
there a message in your novel that you want readers to grasp?
Message of destruction important. Humans need know I
will mash them up. Maybe eat.
What
books have most influenced your life most?
A history of you. 100 American forests. Botany.
If
you had to choose, which writer would you consider a mentor?
Sasquatch and Yeti. But Yeti’s prose lacks polish.
What
are your current projects?
Obliteration of humanity time consuming. Also
general carnage is hobby. And Pinochle.
Can
you share a little of your current work with us?
Lately
I destroy lots. A fort, some trees. Also I turn one person into the consistency
of soup. But flavor not good.
Do
you have anything specific that you want to say to your readers?
Flee.
Destruction is upon you. Wendigo will yell “wendigo” and then you get eaten.
Keep ears open.
What
would you say is your interesting writing quirk?
After finish each chapter I throw tree through man’s
chest.
What
paranormal creature would you be and why?
Wendigo would like to be Wendigo. Dream realized.
Wendigo happy.
What
would you do if you didn’t have to work?
Spawn more rippers. Also maybe piano lessons. But
need big piano.
What
did you want to be when you were 10 years old?
Wendigo always love explore. Want to be
archeologist. Now happy to eat Archeologists.
What makes you laugh?
The pitiful screams of my prey. Is funny.
If aliens landed in front of you and, in exchange for anything you
desire, offered you any position on their planet, what would you want?
Wendiczar. Not sure what would be but
like title.
If you could be any character in fiction, who would you be?
Respect King Kong. He knows how to bring
the pain.
If Hollywood made a movie about your life, whom would you like to
see play the lead role as you?
Ian McKellan.
If you could be a superhero, what would you want your superpowers
to be?
Wendigo like fly. Save time on commute
important to Wendigo.
If someone wrote a biography about you, what do you think the
title should be?
T-
And that’s it. They only have time to write one letter before I squish
them.
If you could have dinner with anyone from history, who would it
be, and why?
Daniel Boone. Ask him what is always
with the gunpowder.
If you could compare yourself with any animal, which would it be
and why?
Polar Bear. Cute like me.
If you won $20 million in the lottery, what would you do with the
money?
Eat it.
If you were a Star Wars character, which one would you be?
Answer too obvious. Wampa.
What kind of people do you dislike?
I dislike people. All.
What makes you angry?
Wendigo always angry. This question
makes Wendigo angry. Now I feed you this tree.
